


Water Me

by landminecat



Series: Chiral Network [5]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Cuteness overload, F/M, Fluff, I mean just look at him, Spoilers, Takes place after the end of the game, he's so lovable, just the love Heartman deserves, slight AU because I really want to treat Heartman's condition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22283950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landminecat/pseuds/landminecat
Summary: One day he told you that he was ready to move on, that he wasn’t going to look for his family any longer. You were both sad and happy for him. Sad, because you knew how much he had to give up and how hard it must have been for him. Happy, because you wanted him to grow.
Relationships: Heartman (Death Stranding)/Reader
Series: Chiral Network [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582771
Kudos: 24





	Water Me

„I can’t take this anymore. I’ve just about had enough.”

Sam eyed you carefully from above the plate, sitting on the opposite side of the table. You were at Heartman’s, enjoying a meal you prepared for yourself, the porter and the scientist. Even though you had the best intentions and planned to make this a peaceful experience, somehow you felt irritated and on edge since the very morning. Sam was definitely surprised to see that side of you.

„What do you mean?”, he asked, his mouth full of curry.

„I mean I’ve been doing everything for him. Like, going out of my way so that it would be at least a little easier for him. And what do I get in return? Him smiling at this _biologist_ with little hearts in his eyes. Talking to her in this _sweet voice_. And don’t even get me started about inviting her over for tea.”

Sam blinked twice, obviously trying to process what you just said. You knew that what you were saying didn’t make much sense, but you just had to get it out of your system. Even if it mean making Sam uncomfortable for a while.

„You’re jealous,” he stated matter-of-factly, putting his spoon away for a moment. „Right?”

You sighed and shifted uncomfortably at the table. Of course you were.

„Yes I am, Sam! I’ve been there for him all this time and… well, it looks like he didn’t even notice.”

„I’m sure that’s not true.”

„Well, I wouldn’t be feeling so… _like this_ if he did.”

Sam sighed and a little smile lit up his face. Even in your state you had to admit it wasn’t something you could see often.

„Listen,” he said after a while, reaching for his cup of tea. „I think we both know that Heartman _adores_ you. The way he speaks about you, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone give someone that much praise. And he’s very sweet around you too. If you… you know… want _more_ than that, why don’t you just tell him?”

You suddenly felt a little out of breath. How could Sam know _exactly_ what you felt even without you realizing it in the first place?

„I… I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.”

„How could anyone be uncomfortable knowing that somebody cares about them a lot?”

He did have a point. Still, you knew Heartman was a very fragile human being, not only in terms of his health. He lost everything he once had, his entire family gone in a void out that killed hundreds, if not thousands of people. You knew how hurt he was, you were _there_ when it was the worst. But then, slowly but surely, he started coming out of his shell. One day he told you that he was ready to move on, that he wasn’t going to look for his family any longer. You were both sad and happy for him. Sad, because you knew how much he had to give up and how hard it must have been for him. Happy, because you wanted him to grow. You wanted him to enjoy life to the fullest, you wanted to see a smile on his face and you didn’t want it to be underlined with never-ending sadness.

And somehow you thought you would be his first choice. That it would only be natural for you two to get closer. Hell, you were sure you _did_. Until he told you about this _wonderful, smart woman_ he met during one of the BRIDGES meetings, someone who was supposed to help with some research. The worst part was, she was actually _nice_ and you couldn’t blame him for wanting to spend more time with her.

Except it made your heart hurt like hell.

You couldn’t exactly remember when it was exactly that you fell for him. Was it when he laughed during a phone call and you noticed how warm his true laugh was for the first time? Was it when you were working together and he nudged your leg with his, trying to prevent you from falling asleep? Was it when he hugged you after not seeing you for a week, burying his face in the crook of your neck and staying like this for a little while longer than usual? You had no idea, it was so hard to pinpoint the exact moment in time when you realized how important he really was to you.

Maybe it was all those situations at once.

„I don’t know,” you said, really at a loss. „I think that me telling him how I feel might make him uncomfortable because he doesn’t feel the same way.”

„You mean you’re worried he doesn’t love you back?”

You felt a sharp pull in your chest at these words. _Love_. Of course you knew you loved him. You were just afraid of calling it what it was in case you ended up hurt and broken.

„I… I think so, Sam. I think I’m afraid of rejection. And as much as I’m tired of pretending that my heart doesn’t do a somersault every time he talks to me, him being uncomfortable around me would be the last thing I ever wanted.”

Sam nodded, focusing his eyes on the plate in front of him. You could almost see the gears turning in his head while he was processing all this.

„But isn’t it more important now than it ever was? I mean, look at this world. Everything is falling apart. Hell, even if we survive long enough to grow old, isn’t it better to be honest with each other? Especially with the people we care about?”

Once again, he did have a point. You knew it. But you were _so scared_.

„You might be right. On the other hand, if he felt this way about me too, wouldn’t he have told me? Or, I don’t know, made it obvious in some other way?”

„Ha, like you told him, right?”

„Hey, there’s no need to be rude!”

„I’m not being rude. I’m trying to make you understand that in this time and place, you should make sure that people who are important to you know how you feel without a doubt. Because you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

You sighed. When exactly did he turn so wise?

„I know, Sam. I know you’re right. Deep in my heart, I do. But I can’t just approach Heartman and tell him that I love him, that he’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met and that every second I spend away from him hurts me physically because I miss him so much. I don’t think he’d want to hear that, especially if he has… _plans_ in regard to the _biologist_.”

„And what if he doesn’t? What if he’s just nice?”

„I’ve never seen him being that _nice_ to anyone.”

„I have. Whenever I’ve seen him with _you_.”

You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. You actually had no idea what to say. God, Sam was right. You knew that and you really wanted to believe him. But this little seed of doubt, this little dark spot would steal the sunshine away whenever you started thinking that this might actually work. You knew Heartman well enough. You didn’t want to be in the way.

„I guess it’s time to clean up,” you said getting up from the table, desperate to end this conversation. „Heartman will be up in a minute and we have to get back to work.”

„Sure,” Sam also stood up, putting his plate in the dishwasher. „Just… please, don’t worry about it too much. I don’t like seeing you like this. I’m worried.”

You smiled. Sam was a really good friend.

„I won’t,” you said after a while, trying to hold back tears welling up in your eyes. „I promise.”

***

The evening approached fast and you were soon done with your work, stretching behind the table you were working at and glancing at Heartman. He sent a warm smile your way, putting his tablet away.

„I see you’re done with your work,” he spoke softly as always. „Would you mind joining me for a cup of tea before you leave?”

You sighed. You were never able to say no to him. Especially since you had to go back to your shelter soon and you won’t be able to see him for the next few days.

„Sure,” you tried to make your voice sound as flat as possible, not wanting to show too much excitement over a simple invitation. „Let me pack this up and I’ll be upstairs in a moment.”

You always had tea in one of the rooms upstairs, the one with the most incredible view over the entire lake and some of the snowy mountains. Ever since Heartman’s heart has been fixed with a transplant he was no longer dying every twenty one minutes, but his body was still recovering and trying to get used to the changes. He still needed to rest every few hours not to put too much strain on himself. You were already used to his napping and meds schedule and even though it was pretty tedious, you had to admit it was much better than watching him die over and over again to be brutally brought back by a portable AED.

So you packed away your things, left your backpack in Heartman’s room and slowly went upstairs, not really knowing what to expect. When you sat down on the floor among soft cushions and right next to a short coffee table, Heartman was already there, pouring you a cup of something that smelled vaguely of roses.

„What tea is this?” You asked, lifting the teacup to your face and inhaling the scent.

„White tea with rose petals,” he answered, excitement obvious in his face, „I got it especially for you. I remember how you said you wanted to try white tea.”

You felt a pinch in your chest. You mentioned in once, not even being too serious about it, and here he was, serving you the tea that must have been incredibly expensive given the circumstances. He wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t important for him. Right? _Right?_

You chased the train of thought away and took a sip of the drink. It was very mellow, a little sweet, with a subtle hint of something resembling mint. Or was it chamomile? You couldn’t really tell but the taste was incredible.

„It’s delicious,” you said after a while. „Thank you. You shouldn’t have.”

„Of course I should have. You help me with so much around here and I rarely do anything for you. This was _the least_ I could do, Y/N.”

You laughed. He was going to be the death of you.

„Well then, forget what I said after the _thank you_ ”.

He smiled at you too, curling the left corner of his lips upwards just slightly, barely showing his teeth. You adored his smile. God, you adored _all of him_.

„The truth is,” he spoke after a while, breaking the sweet silence between the two of you, „I wanted to talk to you about something. And I… figured I might do that today, you know.”

This surprised you.

„What do you mean?”

„I mean, I haven’t been entirely honest with you. And it occurred to me that I should have been. But I am… I just…”

You had no idea what he was trying to say. Suddenly you felt a giant lump form in your throat, spreading downwards fast and nestling in your stomach.

„You just…?”

„Well, as I already told you, I decided to move on with my life. Quite a while ago, for that matter. But I was never ready to take that… next step. A leap of faith, if you will. But… so much has changed ever since I made that decision. I have grown to see the world around me a little differently. And I suddenly realized that… uh…”

Oh God. You could feel it. There was so much worry in his eyes that he was definitely going to say something that would hurt you.

Well, it did have to happen sooner or later.

„I’m happy for you,” you blurted out, not even letting him finish. „I really am. You deserve everything that’s best in this world.”

His expression changed then, turning into mild curiosity mixed with worry and hesitation.

„Uh, I don’t think I understand.”

„Oh, but you do. I could see it coming for weeks. You like her, don’t you? You should go for it. I think she likes you too. You’ll be happy together.”

His expression turned to puzzled for a while, but apparently he caught on fast and actually started laughing. You almost felt like punching him in the face.

„I’m sorry,” he said, trying to contain his laughter a little. „But I just realized what that might have sounded like. No, that’s not what I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you that I finally realized that I should take the last step towards a new, real life. A life _with you_.”

You blinked and then frowned. You must have heard wrong.

„Excuse me?”

„Well…” he continued coyly, suddenly moving closer to you. „I’m not proud of what I did, but there was no time for me to react. I overheard a part of your conversation with Sam today.”

You felt like somebody just snatched a rug you were standing on right from under your feet.

„Wh… which part?”

„Uhh, all of it.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but no sound came out. You were so surprised that for a moment you even forgot that you had to breathe. What did he mean by _all of it_?

„Heartman, I…”

„I know,” he said, obviously almost as stressed as you. „I know I shouldn’t have. But when I heard you tell Sam that you _loved me_ , I just… at first I thought I was still dreaming.”

„What the _hell_ are you talking about?”

Heartman sighed and moved even closer, pressing his thigh against yours on the floor and taking your hand in his. You were so touched by this gentle gesture that it almost brought tears to your eyes.

„Y/N, I have been in love with you ever since I met you. I didn’t realize it at first, but as we grew closer together I just couldn’t help it. Your kindness, your selflessness, even the humor you would usually use to cover up your true feelings… I loved all of it. And spending time with you, even if it was just a few minutes every week. I waited for those moments, counting down hours, minutes and seconds until I see you again. And then when you were here, I just… I couldn’t say it. There was something stopping me from telling you the truth. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was the feeling that you didn’t feel the same way, or maybe…”

You sighed and reached upwards with your right hand, placing it on his cheek.

God, you were both so stupid.

„I thought you needed space,” you said, interrupting what he was saying. „I didn’t want to make you feel… uncomfortable. I figured that even if I could just be your friend, that would be enough. But I… I always wanted more. I knew you needed time to come to terms with everything that happened, but I… I was drawn to you. I still am.”

He smiled and leaned into your touch, placing his own hand on your neck.

„You know, I never actually thought that you’d want me,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours. „I didn’t think I was worthy of love. Especially yours.”

„But why wouldn’t you be? Heartman, you’re the epitome of _lovable_. You’re sweet, you’re caring, you’re smart. And you’re so strong. How could I have _not_ fallen in love with you?”

He chuckled, his warm breath ghosting your lips.

„Do you really think that? About me?”

„Yes. You’re the most incredible person I ever met. But you already know that because of that conversation you overheard.”

„I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!”

„Yeah right. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time you did that.”

„It was, I swear!”

You nuzzled his nose with yours, trying to absorb his warmth as much as you could. He really _did_ feel this way about you. Looks like Sam was right after all.

He reached out and placed both hands on your cheeks, absent-mindedly caressing them with his thumbs.

„Heartman?” You said, almost as if trying to make sure that he was still there.

„I’m here,” he said, hands never leaving your face. „I’m just… overwhelmed. Every single moment I spent with you shaped me into who I am now. I was a husk of a human when we met, clinging to the dead with so much desperation it hurts to think about it now. But you… being around you made me feel alive again. Made me feel like there was something worth living for.”

You didn’t want to listen anymore. You didn’t want to start crying in front of him. So you did what you thought best at that moment; you pressed your lips against his in a heated kiss, hoping that it wouldn’t be too much for him.

He inhaled sharply, obviously surprised with this gesture, but melting into it nevertheless. It made you shiver and his touch covered your skin in goosebumps, every single brush of his fingers leaving a searing spark in its wake. You wanted to control yourself, to be gentle about this, but you couldn’t help it; you wanted him _so fucking much_.

You pressed against him a little more and bit his lower lip, trying to get him to open his mouth. He complied eagerly, letting out a soft moan that was like music to your ears. He was here, with you, and he was making these noises _for you_. You never wanted him to stop.

Sliding your tongue into his mouth you couldn’t believe how eager he was to kiss you back. His hands found their way to your back, moving up and down against your spine. You could feel the overwhelming smell of his cologne; he always used the same one and you have grown to associate the smell with him and him alone. Now you could almost taste it on his skin, breaking the kiss and pressing your lips against the crook of his neck. It was intoxicating, exhilarating - and it was so _Heartman_ that just thinking about _him, there, with you_ made your head spin and your mind go completely blank.

„I love you so much,” he whispered, placing soft kisses against your collarbone. You ran a hand through his hair, kissing the top of his head. „I love you so much, Y/N.”

„I love you too,” you sighed, eyes closed, breath still labored. „I really do.”

He pulled away from you then, just to look you in the eyes and smile again. When he dove in for another kiss you met him halfway.

You didn’t protest when he pushed you to the cushions on the floor, his kisses becoming more passionate and his hands sliding under your shirt. You moaned into his mouth, the heat almost unbearable where your bodies were touching. You wanted him _so badly_. You had to admit you thought about this many times - him kissing you, him pinning you to the bed… well, the floor would have to do this time, but the underlying connotations were exactly the same.

He explored your body inch by inch, following the trail of his fingers with subtle nips of his lips. As much as you wanted to just submit to every single ministration of his, you did have to watch his health. You knew this could have been too much too soon. And just thinking about having to stop this was heartbreaking.

„Heartman,” you whispered, sitting up a little to be able to face him. „Stop. Please.”

Seeing him flushed, his eyes half-lidded and cloudy with passion, you almost gave back in. But you knew better. It was about _him_ and there was nothing more important than _him_.

„You… don’t like it?”

„I love it. That’s why we have to stop. You’re not well enough to… you know.”

„Have sexual intercourse?”

You couldn’t understand why you felt yourself blush.

„Yes. You’re too weak for that. It could be too… overwhelming.”

He sighed loudly and buried his face in your hair, nuzzling your neck at the same time.

„I know. I just… wasn’t sure I could stop. Thank you.”

„Don’t thank me for things like that. It was awful.”

You both laughed as you rolled over and laid back on the floor, facing each other and smiling softly.

„Do you think you could stay here tonight?”

You pressed your forehead against his and kissed the bridge of his nose.

„I think I could. If you make breakfast.”

„Oh, I’d _love_ to. You’ll see, it’s going to be the best breakfast you ever had.”

You turned around and placed a hand on his cheek again. The way he was looking at you almost melted your heart.

„Heartman, I’m not that demanding. I can just eat a sandwich.”

„Nonsense! You’re my guest of honor and you’ll be treated as such.”

„What did I _do_ to deserve such an _honor_?”

He placed a kiss on your cheek and smiled again, making your knees weak.

„You just made me the happiest man in this entire world.”

You couldn’t help the smile forming on your lips and the warmth pooling your chest.

Happiest man in the world, huh.

You could live with that.


End file.
